Tag: environment

Where the Snow Doesn’t Turn Black

It all speaks to some kind of elevated daily existence…

I live in a house in the country. I’ve lived here for 4 years now.

The people are friendly. I have never felt so comfortable to participate in conversations as I do here. The conversational pace is slow enough that my introvert-standard split-second processing pause before I speak doesn’t ace me out of the craic every time, just maybe about half the time. It may seem counterintuitive, since there are so many more things to be a part of in the cities and towns I’ve lived in before, but I feel more a part of things here. I’m still an introvert, and that will never change, but the personal battery doesn’t drain as much in a crowd here.

The light is gorgeous around my house. It’s strange. Is this a byproduct of cleaner air? Perhaps. There is a more crystalline, more buttery aspect to the light, a kind of radiance that I find soothing and wondrous. I feel attached to the environment here. I have a large yard that needs maintenance (which I’m only OK at attending to, it must be said) but it pays dividends in many ways. The many beautiful shades and hues of green, the flowers — some planted by previous residents here, some volunteers/wildflowers, some we’ve planted ourselves — that one can see from every one of the many windows in this house, the purity of the snow as it hugs the ground, never going black, never taking on the smoke and cinders and road filth the stuff always did in the city, the open space… it all speaks to some kind of elevated daily existence.

I call this “motif #1.” I’ve taken this picture many times.

And that’s not to say that life is perfect. Nope, nope, nope. I don’t have a place to go walking here. There are no sidewalks. If I want to go for a walk, I have to either risk the traffic along Main Rd. (which is not insignificant, and some people drive through here at well above the speed limit) or get in the car and drive 5 miles to find a place to walk. Either way, it’s inconvenient, and as a result I’ve put on a fair amount of weight. My life is far too sedentary.

But this is a problem that I can address, and will. And if I can manage that much, I believe my life “out here” will be all the better for the extra effort, and that there may be some unexpected benefits to go along with it. One idea I’ve had to make these benefits manifest is to do some nature journaling. I’ve done it before. It’s been fun and it’s taught me stuff about the natural world and about myself.

So, yeah.

I love it here. In the places I can see from my window and in this beautiful crooked little house, life is sweet.

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The Drums

I hear the sound
And it’s coming this way
It’s not coming for you.
Yet.

They got drums in their chests
They got big sticks
Fuck that they got bullets
And their righteous fascist rage.

And you were just watching
You were just trying to help.
You weren’t mad.

And they’re
Not coming
For you
Yet.

But if you get in their way –
Impeding, as they say –
They won’t mind
Taking you out

As an example.
With their big boy sticks
And their little hands
I mean big dicks.

And they’re shriveled up with fear
And they see it as only fair
That you should be afraid, too
And then they won’t be so afraid.

To shoot you
To round you up
And take you to
The Big Lock Up

When they start coming for you
Which they’re not doing yet
So stay out of their way
And live another day

or two.

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You may not be aware of this, but people on the internet can be very mean and very stupid at times.

Look through the comments on any social media post, especially one that has controversial or political subject matter, as I’m sure you all have, many times. You will see that everyone seems to be collaborating on making everything just a leeetle bit more awful.

I’m guessing that if we were to be truthful, we would all have to admit that we’ve contributed to that mess. Sometimes flame wars can be fun, but tbh I think there are diminishing returns on this.

And let’s admit this, too – those idiots we’ve been whacking over the head with our most refined rhetorical flourishes? They deserved it! When I called someone a human carbuncle the other morning, I was simply telling the truth. As we say on the internet, “No lies detected.”

Of course, I deleted that comment almost immediately. I realized the fascist moderators would put me in internet jail if I didn’t. I just had to hope that the human carbuncle in question saw my comment before I exxed it out. It’s important to point out the errors of other people’s ways

Also, I kind of like saying “human carbuncle.” It fills me with a mixture of disgust and righteousness. That mixture of disgust and righteousness is one of the many pleasures one might hope to experience while doom scrolling and simultaneously sniping in the comments. A kind of satori, if you will.

Only, not really. I know better. I know I’m spreading poison. But it feels so good! It’s like… power.

The other night, Donald Trump posted 160 zingers in a single evening. As you might surmise from this, he is the most powerful man on the planet, except for Vladimir Putin, who hardly seems to post on social media at all, now that I think about it. At least not from his own account. The exception that proves the rule, I suppose.

Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I were to be nicer to people online. My fear is that I would disappear. I’m compelled to ask, “If I’m not poking the bear, will the bear remember to poop in the woods?” And how would I know if he did?

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Zeitgeist 11/25/25

It’s been 62 years and a couple of days since Kennedy was shot and killed, most likely by the CIA. Just this morning, I was thinking about how it feels to me like we’re living in the 125th year of the 20th Century, especially here in the US. I think all of the concerns of post-WWII America are still with us. We just keep dancing around the same old things — burgeoning fascism and the plight and willingness to fight of everyday people in this country to keep what we and our forebears have fought for in the past. I honestly can’t say what we’re headed for, but I know we’re still recycling our past, which is not sustainable.

I hope we manage to break the cycle of resentment and corruption that seems to be the biggest impetus acting on what’s going on in the world, but there’s no guarantee that we ever will. I’m convinced that if we don’t manage the feat, we’re in for a hellish time going forward – not that the 20th century has been such a picnic up until now.

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I’m playing my bass again

That’s been interesting. It had been long enough that my fingers wouldn’t do precisely what I wanted them to when I picked the thing up after a decade away from it. It’s nice to have the thing in my hands again, and this little combo practice amp I bought sounds better than my old live rig did.

I got it cleaned up and restrung by the guy over at Replay in Turner’s… Ray, I think his name is? I may be wrong about that. He has not been super-supportive, but he did do a moderately good job cleaning up my bass. He seems sure I’m not going to stick with it, and told me when I’m ready to sell my Rick to let him know. Thanks dude, I’ll keep that in mind.

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I just finished a revision to the novella I’m working on, and resisted the temptation to go right back to it. I definitely have more work to do on the thing, but I think that the story will benefit from my taking a little time to process. That being said, I admit it might be a year before I get back to that particular story.

In the meantime, I’m beginning the selection process for a chapbook. My conception of the thing right now is that it will look like a volume of poetry, and it will contain a few short poems, perhaps, but most of it will be prose. My idea is to walk the line between fantasy and creative nonfiction. Some pieces will be clearly on one side or the other of that line, but I’m hoping to find some way to synthesize the two things together. Based on the work I’ve found so far, I should be able to accomplish the feat for the 16-20K words I’ll need. Once I get that done, then I will go back to the novel for another pass.

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Finally, my wife’s health struggles continue. She’s keeping up her spirits as she spends sooo much more time interfacing with the health care industry than anyone would ever want to, feeling the impact of the various problems she’s in the midst of fighting. She’s still active and hardworking, which is amazing.

I am so glad we are together, she makes my life better in countless ways. She says I do that for her, and I am trying to believe her. I’m skeptical sometimes, but I do try my best to be helpful and supportive. I love her like nobody’s business.

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That’s about all I have for now. I’m going to try to be a better correspondent. People seem to like when I post here, so I promise to try. Do me a favor and leave a comment once in a while? The occasional like and subscription are also much appreciated.

TTYL.