What can we be forgiven for? What, specifically, is that line that, if it were to be crossed, there could be no redemption, ever? Kevin Spacey comes to mind in this regard. Evidently, he victimized under-aged boys, and did so for decades. People in the industry knew this about Spacey. Considered, until recently, one of the greatest actors of our time by many, a few knew him to be a monster: a predator. Can he ever find forgiveness? Can those who knew but never spoke be forgiven?
And what of Thomas Jefferson? What of many of the founding fathers, who owned slaves and/or stole the land of the indigenous people of this land often over their dead bodies. Look around, Americans. You live in the society Jefferson and his colleagues devised. Can our own founding fathers be forgiven? Since he’s been dead for 192 years now, Is Jefferson beyond the need for forgiveness? I wonder who that mercy might benefit, if given. Perhaps no one?
And what about me? What about you? What infractions against the general welfare might cause any of us be in need of forgiveness? Do we need forgiveness before we are found out? Or are we only sorry if we are caught? Should any of us be forgiven? What good is forgiveness? What payment to society in recompense for our transgressions is too extreme? At what point does the administration of supposed justice cross the line and become a crime in and of itself? Is revenge ever a good thing? Can it return us to balance, as it claims to intend?
Can we ever forgive ourselves? For whatever crimes, known or unknown, that we have on our spiritual ledgers, can we offer grace to our own troubled minds? Can we show ourselves mercy?
And having absolved ourselves, what shall we do then? Do we simply go on with our lives? Do we remember the cost of our transgressions? Do we deserve our own forgiveness? Will we disappoint even ourselves?
I have disappointed myself many times. Do I deserve forgiveness? I have trouble forgiving myself. In small dark nook in my heart, I have not yet done so. I see how not forgiving myself holds me back. But forgiving myself is very hard to do.
I want to believe them. They’re probably right. But it’s hard.
Can I forgive my betrayers? Can I forgive those who have deliberately wounded my dignity? Can I forgive those who have broken my heart? I want to. I am a romantic, a utopian. I want everyone to understand each other and be friends. But too often, I have been misunderstood. I must not be very good at explaining myself, or perhaps I am strange.
Because I can forgive almost anyone else, but I can never seem to forgive myself.
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